Goals...

I've pretty much been "anti goal" since high school, when my parents would MAKE us come up with goals every new year. Not only did we have to write down our goals, but we had to fill categories, like; Family, Money, Personal, Health, you get the idea. We also had to include how we planned on reaching each of those goals. This was mandatory. I found, most of the time, that I was writing anything down just to have it done and impress the father for the moment. It's not like they kept up on us accomplishing our goals after the first month.

Other times in my life, when I would set goals for myself, they would become the policeman, to ensure that I was completing them, or give me incentive... all these backfired of course. When I'm home from college and walking and running for myself, the last thing I need is someone harping on me when I skip a day or have seconds on a meal, and I definitely don't need someone interfering and telling me I've done a good job so far and they're going to pay me to reach my own goal.

I know all these things were intended to be helpful, but somehow at the time, they weren't. Now, I'm glad that I was taught to plan goals for finances and health, but I have an extremely hard time making them. I cannot tell you the last time I MADE a goal. Like, seriously sat down and said, okay, I'm going to accomplish this in this amount of time. It's been more like, yeah, I'll give myself the opportunity here and there, but if I don't stick with it, no biggie. Lately, I've been watching TV and finding myself SO JEALOUS at the women with their healthy fit bodies. I KNOW completely KNOW I would be their equal if I was in that shape. I could be hot! I want to be hot.

People say, just love yourself for who you are, and in part I do, but at the same time, I am NOT happy being this way. I know I could do so much better. There is no harm in that.

So! Taking all the things my parents taught me growing up, even though at the time I wasn't appreciative, or the policing wasn't necessary, but out of love, I will once again begin making goals! Serious reachable goals. I will also know to love and police myself within those goals. And I'm starting tomorrow! I'd start today, but it's basically over. ;)